I can’t stop living in the moment.

At one point in my life, I couldn’t stop living in the “as soon as I reach this goal, I’ll be happy.”  As soon as I get there, I’ll be happy.  As soon as I am married, I’ll be happy.  As soon as I have my baby, I’ll be happy. As soon as I lose this weight, I’ll be happy. As soon as I do xyz, or accomplish xyz, or make $$$ I’ll be there.

And lately, I recently noticed, that I’m there.  Not because I have accomplished everything I needed to or I wanted to – but because I am.  Because life is so incredibly short, and the days go by so incredibly fast, and boom, here we are, living each minute of each day, without the ability to ever get it back again. And so let’s make the best out of each day.

What also changed, is I decided to focus on quality.  I decided to only watch what brings me immense pleasure and happiness (Jeopardy), I decided to spend the few hours my son has outside of school and my work, by doing work with him, I decided to sleep in, and not wake up with an alarm, but naturally rise – as I need to.  I decided to let my daughter get into my bed at 10pm if that is what she decides to do, and brush my hair, because she’s so sweet and funny at this time.  It’s these moments with her, I won’t ever forget or can get back.  Even though I could get to work a bit sooner, but I walk my babes to the bus, because it’s my favorite part of each day.  I stroll in the hot sun, while they scoot or ride their bikes.

I decided to invest in awesome lotion for my skin, because I love soft, smooth, amazing skin. I decided to buy as many avocados as I need to for each week, regardless of price. I listen to educational YouTube videos that teach me so much, that open up my mind, that give me hope, and best of all – make my mouth drop.  Like holy fuk – are we serious.  I never knew this, I never thought of this this way, I never could have imagined, and here it is – right here, ready for the taking!

We ended up adopting a doggy.  A bigger doggy.  At first I was nervous my home was going to smell like “dog”, and then I was nervous that he was going to hurt one of the kids, and then I decided to enjoy the heck out of our pooch, and love him so much.  He’s brought so much happiness and fun into our lives, it’s indescribable.  We also took in a little kitten.  She’s so cute and sweet, and I just can’t handle life without her purring.  And you know what I love most about both of these animals – I love picking up their poo!  I love keeping the yard clean, and I absolutely love never leaving even a nugget of poo on public grasses, and this brings me happiness.  It makes me feel like the good human I know I am inside, regardless of any conditioning or past behavior or criticisms.

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We make up our own lives, yet often, we give the power out to others, or to our hurtful selves.  Make your life the best life possible, and make sure you are the one setting the tone for each day – each moment of each day.  Celebrate victories, celebrate good news, celebrate good people.  Our thoughts are responsible for our happiness.  Why roll our eyes, when we can cry tears of joy?

As painful as this is, say goodbye to people who are unable to be happy for you, who do not understand you, who do not love you, who can not support you, who do not better themselves, because these people will drain you.  Regardless of how much you explain yourself, regardless of the good you do, regardless of the amount of love and resources you provide – there is no love there, and your self love will be stolen.  So move on, and focus on the people who can do this for you – but you first and foremost must take care of you.

I started focusing on everything I was so absolutely grateful for.  Each night I tell my husband, because saying things out-loud really works for me, how much I love what we have, and our friendship and our children, and the people around us, and this and that.  Each morning, if we have a few minutes alone, before the kids wake, it’s the same thing.  If I’m taking a conference call and listening, I walk around my home, and think the same.  I Windex my big windows, and instead of getting angry at the re-appearing hand prints, I’m so happy they are there!  I breathe, and say thank you.  Not every single day is perfect, not every single thought is right, not everything single room is always clean, and not every single moment my children are happy – but at the end of the day – each of us go to sleep well fed, happy, healthy, educated, clean and free.

And what is better than this?

When we need nothing else, we have it all.

We all do have it all.

 

 

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