Choosing our reactions; consciously not choosing negativity.

I watched the most brilliant video the other day.  I have watched it a few times since.  Probably about half a dozen times.  It’s 37 minutes long, so I needed to break it up, but I got it done, and when parts of it are repeated, it became even more powerful to me.

So here is the link for the video.  I would watch it again, and I would watch it often.  That is my plan.

It’s a really interesting and super simple concept, but one that most of us get so wrong.  When something happens to us – we immediately react.  Good or bad.  Sometimes, indifferent, which could be both bad or good.  And then, we have a ton of emotions about it – and then, whatever we are feeling we are thinking; and whatever we are experiencing, brings about more of what we experience.

I wanted to know if I could control my emotions better (more of the negative, unhappy reactions, versus the happy and excited ones.  I was and I am good at seeing the GOOD in events that happened weeks or months or years ago – that weren’t so good at the time. But now, I can 100% understand why they happened, I can surmise the lessons from those experiences, and I know deep down in my gut, in my heart, in my soul – that they happened for a reason, and led me onto the path I am on today.

Sometimes, I like to dissect those events, and become even more grateful.

And sometimes, I like to forget about those events, because they have passed, and whatever I was to learn or to gain or to experience is over.

What I wanted to learn and what I want to continue to learn and practice is how to control my reactions, how to control my emotions!  I want to be able to QUICKLY do this – and not see the GOOD in a BAD situation weeks or years after it happens, but immediately.  We’re real time here people!

Let’s say for example your friend or family member says something or does something that immediately gets you upset.  Boom.  Whah.

It can happen in an instant, and this video nicely explains that there is a FILTER we need to access between WHAT happens and HOW we react to it.  So for instance, let’s say husband says:  “I went to the grocery store, but I forgot to get you what you needed.”  What!  It’s upsetting, company is coming, blah, how will you/I ever survive day/life without item?

Well, it’s easy – especially if you have always blown up at things like these, to react the same exact way.  But what would you say, when you could PAUSE, and think about the situation a bit differently.  Instead of finding the negative in it – and then spiraling out of control, or spiraling into a myriad of reasons why this missing product or ingredient is the doom to your day – think about this differently – find the good or irony or positivity in it, do it anyway.

Maybe, just maybe, it really doesn’t matter, and it’s not important.

Perhaps you can be more resourceful and do better with a substitution.

Perhaps, you can go back to store, and get exactly what you need & then some.

Perhaps, you can just move on quickly, and not give it another thought.

Perhaps you can ask a neighbor or a friend for the same.

Perhaps, you can be grateful for having said husband and moving the f on.

Or let’s say bigger, grander, more dramatic things happen.  If you think of something that has happened to you, happened in the last few weeks or years or something perhaps that happens often that is upsetting – how can you put another SPIN on it, how can you put a filter on – in between, how can you turn the negative emotions you are usually feeling, and feel GOOD about it?

When we post photos to social media, you have to go through a few steps before actually posting.  You have to perhaps write a caption, add a filter, double check this or that, crop, and then you can post.  We don’t just go on taking a photo that instantly gets uploaded without a second look from you.  (Perhaps there is some platform out there like this – but at this time I am unaware because THANKFULLY the thousands of photos we all have sitting in our phones and not on FB.)

And the strategy in this video is the same.

Stop, and think.

What type of reaction do you want to have?

What type of reaction is best for you – for right now and long term?

What type of filter would you like to use in this situation?

What type of experience would you like to have from this exact moment?

pause

I’m pretty high on this strategy right now, and am excited to use it. It can be very frustrating to get upset.  I find that for many days of each month, it’s easy to be in a solid and happy and productive mood. But then, there are days where everything is very upsetting.  I no longer want to waste my life and time with getting upset only to LATER find the positive in it.  Instead, I want to stop and think and react in a way that would be productive for me, in a way that would lead me to greener pastures and a better present and future.

We all know it’s normal to get upset, it’s normal to have upsetting situations happen, it’s normal to be upset at what people say or do or write or communicate – but maybe it’s not.  Maybe it’s better to practice putting in a filter that doesn’t cause us to have a reaction that FURTHER hurts us/our heart/mind/soul.  Maybe it’s better to acknowledge what happens, and then STOP; and keep moving on, without reacting.

In the video, Leo used the example of finding out your partner cheated on you.  And this can be upsetting.  Yet, this can also be very freeing (perhaps someone better is out there for you).  It’s a pretty big or small event in one’s life (depending on what you compare to), but also a really great way to understand this concept of interjecting a filter, a pause, a space to CHOOSE how we want to react.

At the end of the day – our lives and futures are made up what we think about.  In the waking and alert time we have here on earth and throughout each day – it’s best to be able to choose thoughts that can only CONTRIBUTE to growing our present, and future in just the most positive ways.  And hence why I realized I needed to figure out how to control those reactions, how to give myself a bit of time to CHOOSE the better path!

Cheers to YOU, and may your reactions be made up of only the strongest blocks for building your best life.

 

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How do you get everything you want, today?

The last few months, and specifically the last few weeks, I have really been getting back into learning and living the Law of Attraction.  If you’ve seen the movie The Secret on Netflix, or some other media outlet, you know exactly what I mean.

It’s such a powerful concept, and perhaps the absolutely best way to go through life.  I have found nothing more rewarding.  It’s so basic, yet so simple.  The whole concept is based on what you think about – you bring about.

Our only job is to think positive thoughts, and to train our thoughts to FEEL exactly what we want, whether we are in physical possession of this already or not yet.

So for instance, if you want to be happily married, yet perhaps you are not yet married, maybe single, or maybe even what you would consider an “unhappy marriage” start to go through every moment of your day, as if you were actually and already happily married.

Maybe you would write a love note to your husband or wife, maybe you would fantasize about a date you are having that evening, perhaps you would feel grateful for the love you already have in your heart for your spouse, or maybe you would go through you day admiring a piece of jewelry, perhaps your engagement ring or a wedding band, and feeling grateful and blessed for all the love it represents.  As much of your time as possible would be spent feeling “happily married.”

In my late twenties, I really believed this concept.  I have written about this before, but I found myself on point with my then career (used The Secret for this as well), and I really wanted and needed love and family in my life.  I just felt this in my core, that this is what I desired most.  I watched The Secret many times (like probably 25-50 times), and knew about the significance of the law of attraction.  I went to Khol’s and I purchased what I though was a beautiful wedding band.  This was just a $15 ring.  Nothing fancy, but it just looked so beautiful to me.  And so I would wear it on my way to work.  I had a 40 min commute, and for those 40 minutes first thing in the AM, and for 40 min in the PM, I wore this ring, and I felt “married.”  I felt “happily married’ and I loved this time.  I thought about my “husband” (which I didn’t have), and I just felt exactly as I wanted to feel, as if my dream was already here.  A few months/years later – I wore a similar band, full time.

And that’s the law of attraction.  Actually FEELING what you want, and almost and actually LIVING it, and therefore ATTRACTING it – into your life with open arms.

It’s amazing right.

Around the same time, I would walk around the beautiful little lake in my neighborhood, and imagine that I was pushing a stroller.  And I felt it.  I felt what it would feel like being a mama, and the joy I would feel, and how happy I was feeling all of this mama love, and being out in nature.  It was exactly what I wanted.  And so, this too has come true.  Ironically, I ran my daughter to school this morning – in our stroller that we’ve had over six years now.  I was thinking about this awesome stroller that has lasted through so many miles of walking and running, still without even a squeak, or any breakdowns.  This stroller has been alive in my mind for more years than just these six.

What many of us find tough with the law of attraction is getting out of our own way.  It’s easy to use LOA when we have absolutely nothing what we want.  I found this to be true in my twenties, as a single woman – ready for FAMILY.  As life went on, and we started building homes, and our family, and businesses and careers, it’s harder to use LOA, or at least I found myself here confused at what I really wanted, and how I could have it.

I got in my own way.  I realllllly got in my own way.  I got so far from LOA, that I stopped using it all together.  I stopped thinking about it – and tried to control so much of my life.  I thought I could just get what I want by going after it.  Instead of using my mind and LOA, I thought things or people or others could help me acquire this.  I wasn’t tuning into what it was I was really after, and tuning more into things.

I hope this makes sense, but an easy way to explain it, is this:  instead of tuning into feeling freedom and flexibility in your career, you would think that a certain boss, or job, or career path would give you this.  I was diving backwards instead of moving forward.  I was trying to fit squares into holes instead of stepping back and using what I used so often before to have what I needed: the power of thought and feeling.

We get in our own way, because we start to reason with it.  I wanted to know the HOW.   We want a certain amount of freedom, or income, or goals and dreams and wishes to come true, but then we try to figure out EXACTLY HOW this will all come true.

The answer is:  Don’t try to figure it out.  We don’t have to know.  We have to actually do NOTHING to try to figure out the how.  We just have to know WHAT we want, and WHEN we want it by!

So let’s do this.  Let’s make a list of everything we want, and feel as if we already are there, feel as we already have it, feel as if we are already living the life we desire.

When your mind tries to take you to HOWWWWW you will get there, let the thought about this come, and then let it out the door.  We don’t know.  We don’t know.  We won’t know.  But if you try to figure out the HOW (when you have absolutely no clue, or it’s limiting you), then let it go.  Open the door and let it out gently, or just shove it out like a pain in da bum though that it is.

If you want to earn 100K or 1M this year, but you say:  “Well, I’m just a xyz, and no xyz ever earned this much.”  <——-  THAT’S A LIMITING THOUGHT.  You are killing your own dream, by limiting yourself by trying to figure out the HOW.  You are reasoning, when you should not reason.  You are trying to control the outcome.  Stop this and instead, let the limiting go.  Instead, just FEEL your income. Feel as if you already have this flowing into your life.  Just look for ways how this is already coming into your life (another blog post on this coming up soon!!!)

How cool is that?

Our only job is to know what we want, or to know how we want to feel.  Do we want more freedom?  More love?  More joy?  More happy?  More flexibility? More confidence? More independence?  More calm? More clean?  More nature?  More easy?  More learning?  More knowledge?  More travel?  More vacation?  More friendship? More fun? More health? More laughter?

And then feel as if your more is already here.  Breath in those feelings and breath them out.  Go through certain periods of your day – as if you are EXACTLY where you already want to be.  Go through these feelings in your mind and in your physical self.

When we decided we were moving to FL, we had a lot of work to do before we could actually get on an airplane and move to FL.  It was wild.  It was crazy.  It was picking up and selling your home, and having to buy a new one, and do everything one needs to do to move 911 miles south.  But all I did was google image a beach near our now current home.  I found a beautiful photo of Ponte Vedra beach.  I just found it.  I was beautiful and it really spoke to me.  I changed my FB cover photo to this image.  Every time I would log into my FB, I would see “my beach.”  This may have been way before we even put our house on the market, or before we even knew what we were doing.  But all I knew is that we were moving to FL, and we were going to be going to the beach year round.  That was my feeling.

Here is the actual photo I used:

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And so in June, my two babies and I flew from Newark into Florida, and we went to the beach.  We went to a beautiful beach a bit north of our home, and here is the photo I took:

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It’s not exact, but I was able to change my cover photo from what I wanted in my mind, to what I actually experienced now in my real life.
There are certain new goals I’m working on now, and each day, I’m reminding myself to FEEL this way already.  At first it’s an effort and I have to remember to feel this way. Then what happens, is that the thoughts come more easily and frequently, without you having to remind yourself to FEEL this way. Then I start to actually believe I’m there already, and I can hold these thoughts for LONG periods of time.  I really love and crave alone time, and these are the times I can really tune into feeling exactly as I want, and attracting all that I desire. But even when you have busy periods of your day, spend doing some of your daily activities – feeling exactly as you wish to be already living.

It’s really a beautiful process.  It’s a process that really makes you feel good in.  And makes you feel extremely peaceful and excited.  And that is what will continue to attract the life that you want, and one that you will want to continue to build.

Cheers to only living the best and most organic way, and feeling so good already, regardless of your current state. Cheers to welcoming our futures, today!