Since today is Valentine’s Day, I wanted to write a post about LOVE. All about love, and how to give it, share it and receive it!
When I think about the people that surround me on a daily basis, or the people that were in my life in the past, or the people that shaped my love life and love relationships (also platonic) – I think back to how much I was loved, and felt loved as a child.
My grandmother in Poland (along with all of my extended family), really nurtured me. I feel that to this day, and probably appreciate this more than ever. My grandma really pampered over me in just the best way possible. I felt growing up I was such an important human being to her, and NOW looking back, I feel it helped me grow into a confident little child, then teen and now adult. Growing up in the US, I also felt very loved and cared for by my mother and father, who were both were very affectionate with my sister and I and instilled in us a sense of LOVE security. We were hugged, and told we were loved, and our birthdays were made special, and we also were given the necessities that we needed to feel good, above and beyond than what we even probably needed. My parents did get divorced right as I went into college, but that did not really affect me as much, because my love tank was pretty full at this point, and built up well.
Dating from puppy love in high school, to what felt like true love in my twenties, I also somehow chose really loving and caring people. I can’t think of any bad qualities or characteristics in any of the beautiful humans I was lucky and blessed enough to date. No one ever hurt me psychically, no one even spoke to me in a degrading way, but relationships, as you are growing and maturing and learning what you need and don’t need, tend to go in the direction they are meant to – depending on where you are in life.
When I met my husband it was a really nice and organic and beautiful way we became a couple, and we fit well into each other’s lives. We were able to merge our lives and our goals, and create an even brighter present and future than what we were living currently, separately.
There’s the old saying that says we marry someone like our father, and this is very true in my case. My husband is a very hands on dad, and papa, and loves his children, and is kind and caring and doesn’t have a single poor word to say about anyone. He works hard in everything, has a stellar work ethic, and also has a ton more characteristics I admire about him, that I lack on a HUGE level. I get to learn from him daily, and I feel blessed he chose me. Yet, what the best part about our love marriage is that we do work daily, to make it better.
I also find myself, right now, surrounded by a circle of women, whether friends that I’m extremely close with, or friends that I just see or talk with once in a while, who constantly inspire me, lift me up, and motivate me to be a better human. Plus, they are all hella funny, which is fun.
If you find yourself feeling extremely loved, and cared for, and taken care of, keep doing what you are doing. This is what makes us feel pretty amazing about our lives. Being able to receive love, and then give it to those that we love most. It’s truly a beautiful cycle.
But if you find yourself a tiny bit sad, or not as loved as you wish or not as loved and cared for or taken care of on an emotionally level as you want to be – here are some things that I use daily, to constantly increase my love fuel.
Space. Letting people be. There’s nothing more beautiful than letting the people you love most, the people that love you, and giving them space, when they need it. My husband and I are very different people in many areas, and the last several years, we have learned more about the importance of stepping back, and letting each other be, when this is needed. We do a ton of activities together, but at most times, he is who he is, and will do as he wants, and same for me. It’s easy for young couples to want to change who they are with, or expect their partners to change to exactly who they want them to be, but this doesn’t work. Instead, step back, and watch what can happen by letting your love grow in enough space, and light and peace.
Know who you are, know what you need. My biggest role and project in life right now is to provide my children with a warm and loving home, a clean and healthy life, and give them everything they need, so that they can continue to develop into efficient and independent human beings. It’s a lot of work at times. And to re-group, I need a lot of solo time. Not everyone is like me. Not everyone wants to be alone at times, but I recognize this about myself, and now my husband also knows this is very important to me. I sometimes spend a Sunday afternoon alone, or skip a social event, because my head is on all the time. This little retreat gives me so much re-charge, that I can once again turn on, and go about all our tasks in life and home. I also know what my husband needs, to feel amazing about his life and his goals. He’s not necessarily like me, but being able to recognize that about each other, is really freeing.
Appreciate what you like, appreciate the good. If you are constantly looking for the good in others, and the good in your partner, you will see it. Sure, we all have qualities, that need improving, or annoying personalities, or disappointing characteristics, but there is still a ton of good. If you are committed to someone, or a friendship or someone you care about a lot, look for their good, all the time. I was chatting with Tony and I am excited to celebrate our anniversary this year, and I felt a lot of gratitude in my heart, and gratefulness to the Universe that it’s been our best marriage year so far. Nothing DRASTIC has changed or happened, but the only difference is that I have really started to focus on appreciating all of the things he’s amazing at.
It is easy to see all of those qualities, when those are the qualities you are looking for. If I wanted to focus on all the things he lacks, then I sure could go about that too – but why? It would only bring to light negative things that maybe he can’t yet change, or that I can’t yet change about myself. He does this with me too, and probably taught me this. I’m not a perfect-amazing-error_free human, but 90% of the time, he treats me this way. At firs,t when we met, I’m like, are you kidding? Can you really like m this much? But it wasn’t because I was truly this perfect being, but because he naturally saw the nice stuff about me.
And so, I have learned to do the same. We treat our kiddos the same way. We see their amazing qualities, and we ignore the personality traits that at times make us cringe. I love my son so so much, and I think he’s just the best, and I focus on this, ad I use those qualities to help him improve further. I don’t sit there, starring at him or yelling at him, reminding him of his shortcomings. Is he a perfect 6 year old boy? No, but I will NOURISH him, instead of stomp on him. How are we treating each other, in our love relationships?
Card I received from my son, our whole family, including cat & dog.
Start today. Become fast best friends with your partner, with your lover with your husband/wife/spouse/love. Constantly, stay grateful for all they do, stay grateful for their qualities, get thankful, each night and each AM, for their love. Perhaps it’s not as strong, not as lean, not as amazing as you want it to be, but you will get there. Give them love. Give them more love. Figure out what they need most. Do they need to be told you love them, do they need to see it, do they need a gift, a letter, do they need affection, do they need all of the above, all the time?
Many of us adult humans have love holes that we need to fill. We aren’t all confident, we aren’t all secure, we may have been hurt, we may have been the ones hurting others, so we must fill these holes in ourselves, and our loves.
Love yourself most. It is my goal that my best friend and I live our whole lives happy and in peace. And I wish the same for everyone who wants this as well. Yet, what if that’s not the case, for you just yet? I know the stats. I know the rates. I know how hard it is to make marriage work, with kids and home and jobs and money, and social media and everything else. It’s a cluster of everything and anything coming at us all the time.
If you love yourself most, and get to know how to love yourself most, you will then be able to give that to your partner, or another partner, or the right one for your life. Imagine if you start plugging up your own love holes. Imagine if you wake up tomorrow and are at peace and happy with yourself, and because of this, start to see a lot more love from the one/ones you love. It’s a full circle, and the more love we give, the more love we get.
What if you didn’t grow up with much love? What can you immediately do? I can’t even type this sentence, because the idea that so many humans come into this world, and aren’t love properly, aren’t pampered with care, aren’t taken care of, aren’t nurtured correctly, boggles my mind. I know that this is the case for so many, and the only advice I have is just to give love and time. Love onto your children with all of your might. Learn about love. Plug up your love holes, and give the amount of love to others, as you wish others gave to you.
If you have little kids, love onto them hard. Wash them, clean them, feed them, tell them you love them, recognize their great qualities, and let them know about them. My little babies and I always say “Kocham cie bardzo kochanie” when I turn off the lights before they go to sleep. It means, I love you so much honey. The last thing I want them to say or hear from me, before they fall to bed, is that they are loved and safe and secure, so that when they go off to make relationships in the future – they choose humans who make them feel exactly the same way.
Cheers to YOU, because you deserve ALL the love, and cheers to those you love!
Happy Valentine’s Day!